I Will Never Tell Him Despite Being Broken
by Rukia-K1
Summary: I felt broken inside as I watched him walk off with her...I made a mistake, but then again, I would never tell him anyways. He would push me away, just like everyone else did. I was lost, broken, and I didn't know what to do anymore. My heart was broken, I was broken, my soul, my body, my mind. He would never understand how I feel for him, because I will never tell him.


_A/n: Alright, I seriously need to stop listening to sad songs...this is what happens when I happen to listen to them. Anyways, here is another Steve/Tony fiction...I decided not to put it in my oneshot pile because I didn't really want it to go there...it's on its own league I guess._

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**_I Will Never Tell Him Despite Being Broken_**

* * *

_I felt broken inside as I watched him walk off with her...I made a mistake, but then again, I would never tell him anyways. He would push me away, just like everyone else did. I was lost, broken, and I didn't know what to do anymore. My heart was broken, I was broken, my soul, my body, my mind. He would never understand how I feel for him, because I will never tell him._

* * *

I had created a machine that went through time and space, and I brought back two people from the past by mistake...but they made someone here really happy again. Nothing has changed besides two people in the world not existing...but I guess that is just what was to happen. Now, our team has sort of, well, broken up a bit thanks to it all. Natasha is having Clint's child, Bruce and Betty are getting married, Thor and Jane are going to have a child despite how Thor is freaked out, and Rogers...he is thinking about marrying Peggy, his long lost love. As For me, well, Pepper was gone, married to someone else...and I am all alone with unrequited feelings...

I never really loved her anyways. I loved someone else, and that was the bottom line of it all. I would never tell that person though, despite how it broke me inside. He would just end up pushing me away like everyone else…I would never be an option. He had who he loved anyways; I was as good as forgotten in his mind at this point… No one remembered I existed, and I was alone…

* * *

"Anthony are you doing alright? Maybe it wasn't a good idea to come..." I looked over at Rogers who was smiling, that...perfect smile. I gave my own, but it was broken.

"I'm fine Rogers." A lie, a lie that only I would know. I looked back at Bruce and Betty, standing at the altar, happy, smiling, getting married. Everything I wouldn't have in my future, but you know, I was already broken anyways. Did it matter? I don't know, and honestly, I don't think it matters.

"Anthony, you realize you're just as good as lying as your Dad, which means horrible." Rogers replied and I tried not to flinch as he mentioned by Father, who was the reason for me being broken. No one knew, no one had ever been told about what he did, what he thought of me. I never wanted anyone to know. I felt broken enough without someone trying to make it sound like it was for the best.

"..." I didn't reply, I just watched the wedding silently. I felt sick, I wanted to go, and I wanted to get out of here. I didn't want to be by him. I couldn't. Matter of fact, as soon as they kissed and everyone started to vanish to the after party; I took the liberty of stepping out, and not looking back. I had no way but to walk home since Happy wasn't going to be there until later on, but I didn't care.

A hand clasped mine and I swung around. Rogers. Why the hell was he following me? After all he had to go meet his soon-to-be wife. I glared at him and took my hand back, swinging back around and walking faster. He was following. Damn him. I just wanted to get away already! Why couldn't he just leave me alone? He was my reason for pain, he was the reason I was thinking back to when I had no love in my life and I never would have any love either. He grabbed my hand again though and I felt myself slammed into a building. I glared up at him, and he just looked so _damned _calm still.

"Anthony…tell me what the hell is wrong!" Rogers was not happy, I knew that. But you know I could care less at the moment. I growled at him and pushed him away from me. He would never understand…he could never understand me. After all, no one ever did want to listen to me…care about me…want what I wanted. That was a fact.

"Leave me the hell alone alright!" I shouted at him. "You're not helping even if you think you are _Steve!_ You're the reason why I'm so screwed up, why nothing can go right for me anymore! It's all your fault! So just leave me alone so I can go back to being fuckin alone like I am used to! Because no one will love me! That is how it always was! Even my Father hated me! You know? He never told me he loved me! He never even told me he _liked _me!"

I yelled at him, not even trying to hold back the rage I was in. I was crying at this point, but I tried to ignore it. He looked scared almost, well he should. Because no one cared, and he shouldn't either. "You're off with the one you love, Bruce is happy, Clint and Natasha are happy, Thor is happy…but I've never been happy… Pep was never the one I loved! The person I love? He'll never love me back; because if I told him…he would just push me away…like everyone else…I've never had someone who cared. I asked my mom when I was five what would happen when she and dad were gone! But you know what? I was just told to go to bed; no one noticed the five year old crying in his room…no one has…no one ever will…"

Rogers reached out and whipped the tears from my eyes, and I bit my lip. He looked down at me and then murmured to me. "Why would someone treat you that way? Why would you let them treat you like that?" He smiled at me. "Why don't you tell the person anyways? See what he thinks at least before you say that he will push you away…? After all, you never know what might happen when you tell that person." He seemed to not trip over the fact it was a guy, I know. Of course. That was why I would never tell that person, because he would never understand. He didn't now, he would never,

"No." I replied and pushed him back again. "Because he doesn't understand now, so he never will." With that, I quickly left, leaving him standing there to think over what I had just told him about.

* * *

It was later on that night when I got a phone call from him, I was reluctant to answer but I still did. Before I could even say hello Peggy's voice rang out into my ear/ "Tony what the hell did you do? Steve came home and he hasn't said a word to me but he keeps muttering things about you and I want to know what you did to him! I swear if you hurt him-" The rest, I tuned out and my eyes darkened. I didn't even respond, I just stood there and let her yell at me, but my mind…it was on something else all together. My eyes closed and I slowly put the phone down, letting her yell, but nothing would reach my ears. I slowly walked to my room, pausing as I passed the room I had moved to put everything from my childhood in. I stared at the door long and hard before I closed my eyes.

"JARVIS…lock that room…and never let anyone in." I whispered. I was probably thought to be innocent when I was little, but you are wrong. Everyone is, because no one knows of what gruesome things I made to appeal to the side of me that was being broken apart. No one needs to know or see that room…ever.

_As you wish sir…_

* * *

I walked down the street, keeping myself well hidden from the world as I did so. No one seemed to notice me at all, and I was glad. I took a deep breath as I came to a door. Standing outside of it for a long moment, I then grabbed a note from my pocket and slipped it under the door, the fourth this morning. But…I highly doubt anyone would notice.

With that, I slipped away, not looking back either. I closed my eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath, no one would care. That's right…no one would care about him being gone, just like no one cared that he had been treated like he had been. Oh well, I sighed with that thought and stopped next to the ocean side. I clenched my fists, was this the best thing? Well yeah it was…to end my pain. No one even looked to stop me anyways as I walked into the water slowly. It was chilling to the touch, and I felt the urge to move…but I couldn't. I took a deep breath.

_"Anthony! Don't do it!" _I stopped and I forced myself not to look behind me. The splash of the water behind me, and then, I was running. I was running into the water, which is rather hard you know. Just as the salt water taste hit me, arms pulled me back. I coughed some and bit my lip. "Anthony…what in god's name are you doing?" The voice hissed.

"Why should you care?" I whispered. "All I do is hurt people right? Even you're _wife _told me that was all I was doing anymore! Besides…what am I to anyone besides an Avenger huh? I'm nothing…" I pushed him, myself falling back into the water. He pulled me back and looked into my eyes.

Before I could retaliate again, he leaned in…his warm lips against mine. My eyes widened and I made an effort not to blush lightly. Who would have thought this would happen to me. _I will never tell him, despite being broken…but maybe, he finally pieced it all together. _

His hand ran through my hair as we kissed, my eyes closing. This was like a dream to me, and maybe it was in the end but…that didn't matter right now. I took a deep breath as he pulled away before groaning as he pulled me close, laying my head on his shoulder. "I finally get it…you were afraid to tell me, get close to me…because you thought it would all end then…but has it? I'm sorry alright…if you would have just told me instead of…" I kissed him to silence him then sighed softly.

"I didn't want to tell you, despite being broken inside."

* * *

I woke with a start and shuddered some, looking over at Rogers who was sleeping right next to me. His arms were wrapped around me, and he was holding me close. Alright, so how we ended up having sex was something I didn't understand, but I enjoyed it to say the least. This was a happy ending I think…to something that I never wanted to start…despite being broken inside for so long...

He woke slowly then he smiled at me, kissing me softly. "...I love you Anthony..."

I blushed and smiled. "I love you as well...Rogers." To think, I was never going to tell him.


End file.
